The Flying Cooler Lid


Marsha Delaney: Posted on Wednesday, May 23, 2012 12:55 PM

Gluten, my mortal enemy, has ruined yet another day in my life. I couldn’t figure out why my seven-year-old son was so hostile and horrible today; I mean HOSTILE and HORRIBLE (we had the pleasure of spending the day together because the school made me pick him up for something unrelated), and it finally occurred to me that he’d swiped his dad’s stale baguette late last night before bed. We’d found it tucked behind the printer in the dining room. Coincidence? I think not. Ugh.

In the car, while we were driving, he unbuckled and got out of his booster seat, grabbed the top off of the cooler I keep in the minivan, and chucked it at me, narrowly missing my head. I’m sure many, many people got an earful of screaming coming from inside of our car today.

Unfortunately, just because he was with me didn’t mean that I could take the day off. When I parked the car in the parking lot of a grocery store, he barricaded himself between my farmers market paraphernalia and the back of his seat in the back of the minivan. This meant that I couldn’t easily reach him. When negotiations were exhausted, heeding no results whatsoever, I did what any desperate mom would do: I climbed inside the van, threw everything out of the way, dragged him out of the car, and attempted to pull him with me with one hand while I pushed the stroller carrying his little sister with the other. He resisted. He pulled in the opposite direction while repeatedly kicking me. With every person in that parking lot looking at me like I was a horrible beast of a mother for trying to drag my kid somewhere he didn’t want to go, I was forced to abort the mission.

My thoughts are this: if you’re going to swipe gluten and ruin everyone’s day, at least swipe something nice.

One more thought: why it took me most of the day to make the connection with the stale baguette, I can only attribute to some sort of brain malfunction on my part.


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